WDI's list of wants for 2011

This was a comment in reply to my last post of 2010 which listed my hopes for 2011 by WDI (Worker Dandyist International), it tickled me so I thought I would post it here (hopefully he won't mind)! You can tell it was composed by a chap though....... here is his list:

1) Ugg boots are outlawed due to the incessant shuffling being considered noise pollution.

2)Above-the-knee, chiffon pleated skirts and fully-fashioned nylons are the big fad of a quite windy 2011.

3)People of limited wit cease using the word 'literally' to mean the exact opposite.

4)They invent a lager that makes you thin.

5)The AGM of the Countryside Alliance gets attacked by wild bears and sexually excited stallions causing multiple injuries and many embarrassing deaths.

6)People remember how to riot properly.

7)Ben Goldacre is appointed Health Secretary while Gillian McKeith is jailed for quackery.

8)The kids drop their idiotic, made-up, 'street' accents in favour of RP.

9)The march of technology into the chasm of crapness is halted and film cameras, analogue sound and CRT televisions become commonplace again.

10)Ostriches become the new vehicle of choice for the smart set.

Hopeless hopes for 2011..

I'm not a big resolution fan but like everyone else I have hopes for the coming year. 2010 was a mixed bag of a year for me, good professionally but a bit ropey towards the end due to ill health. I decided to publish a list of things that I would like to see in the coming year. I'm not including the big philosophical things as I presume that those who know me would be aware that I want less war, poverty and suffering. Nor am I going to dwell on the personal although somewhere of my own to live and decorate would be nice oh God of lottery wins... Here's my list. Do you agree/disagree and what would you add?


1.  Waistlines drop...to the waist. Enough of bundling seams under our boobs so we all look either pregnant or like a reject from the 70's.

2.  Please please please don't let the seventies become the fashion wheeze of the year. The Horror, the flares, the tabards, the bad hair.

3.  Could people stop using Hackney and Dalston for events. Somewhere less skanky with better transport, please?

4  Cheryl Cole, Holly Willoughby, Fearne Brittain, Kerry Katona to disappear. Katie Price can stay.

Basher Cole.

5   Some strange genetic quirk to make my fringe grow double quick.

6   Rap, grime and whatever to be dropped in favour of old school hip hop.

7  The government stop penalizing me for working, paying taxes, not claiming benefits and not breeding.

8  That people stop showing me babies and turn up with puppies instead.

9  Suddenly sleeves and skirts below the knees become fashionable.

10  It is realized that years of study, chartership and membership of a professional body makes Librarians closer to Doctors, Lawyers and Architects rather than being a fixer of peoples crap computers or a customer service operative.

11  Queueing becomes fashionable and even London's more exotic residents see the sense of it.

12  Marc Almond has a hit single.

13  A major building project is announced that requires carving, mosaics and gilding rather than concrete, glass and crap sculptures.

14  People stop sniffing bloody cocaine and start drinking cocktails.

15   A big exhibition of Edward Burra paintings is announced.

16   Kate gets married in scarlet silk.

17   We get a new bank holiday for Trafalgar day.

18   That we all keep well, avoid financial disaster and have a bit of a giggle!

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you all! 

New Year Resolutions from a woman who needs to be resolved!

I have decided to come up with some resolutions, largely because this time next year I can have this huge feeling of satisfaction if I manage, oh, even one of them! Please note that no resolution is about deprivation or giving up things. Bollocks to that. I would be interested to hear any resolutions you might have, they are probably better than mine, which are a bit rubbish, but thats the thing with resolutions.

RESOLUTIONS

1 I will reconnect with the Gothic community who are lovely people and I have still not got to know as well as I should and because I am missing a bit of darkness and sparkle.

2 I shall obtain an Edwardian Riding suit. In velvet. Any Edwardian Riding Habit makers out there note: possible customer. However I will not go any where near a horse. Unless I am betting on it. And this year I will remember to bet on the Derby. 

3 I will, will, will go to Rhythm Riot next November...anyone want to share a chalet?

4 I'm a painter, I shall paint a portrait, write a childrens book or at least learn to bloody sew.

5 I must not mellow out but remain a bad tempered stroppy minx.... age shall not wither her tendency to drink 4 gins and turn into class warrior/twatkid hater/sarf london supremacist. Even if it annoys Irishmen. Everything annoys Irishmen.

6 I will sort out my underwear draw.

7 An effort to learn how to lindy hop/jive or something will be attempted.

8 It is imperative that more cocktails must be consumed! 

9 I will make the effort to have a birthday party... that means at least enquiring about it.

10 I will continue with this blog, because although it is doggerel I am touched that anyone reads it and hope it provides another distraction from your working day. It is appreciated. I wish everyone a splendid 2010!