Thursday, 18 February 2010

Alternative Rules of Seduction for the Chapette.

A bit of fun...this utterly personal list was composed in reaction to the reactionary dating guide copied on the blog below:

Ladies, you may agree or disagree, but despite very average looks and some discrimination I have seldom been single!

1) Fiddle with your underpinnings if they are pretty; but not your nose.

2) Drink as much as you want, teetotal vs trollied? the latter wins every time.

3) If he is boring, find someone else. The waiter will do.

4) Talk about your frock, why not? you have had to listen to a long tale about the provenance of his favourite cufflinks. If he doesn't have cufflinks talk to the waiter instead.

5) Any man who objects to launderable objects being covered with lipstick is either a lunatic, or married or quite possibly both.

6) Dominate the conversation if the gentleman is going to inanely blather on about cars/military campaigns/cricket/the empire. Dogs are a safe subject if the man is not completely hopeless, or more unnaturally; a cat-lover.

7) Tell dirty jokes. Japanese geisha have to memorise hundreds.

8) Eat decent calorific food. No appetite equals, well, no appetite. Girls who eat chips butties are best. Bugs and cows eat salad.

9) Be on time. Lateness is just idiotic.

10) Steal their food from their plates without asking , they need something to complain about regarding the opposite sex. This feeds their natural need to feel picked upon and feeds you.


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