Clarks shoe shop review.

Clark's reproduction 1920's shoes, note the ridge of rubber on the soles.

Many of us have a long relationship with Clarks shoes. How many of us had our unwilling feet stuck in that plastic and wood slidy contraption which would always reveal, to our mother’s horror, supernaturally accelerated footsize growth?. I think stepping into Clarks automatically made your feet swell. I hated the shop as a kiddie. Shoes were boring, and if there was a pair that wasn’t boring that was the pair your mother would reject. This was usually because they were an interesting colour, featured sequins or were decorated with super-heroes. Now shoes are as cheap as chips and todays kiddies have bells, balls and sparkly laces. The lucky little devils. When I was young trainers were at least still only sports-wear, a blissful state but the alternatives were sturdy and utilitarian and ugly. Of course now I appreciate this austerity, there is something charming about the flat chunky brown T-bar sandal.

At the moment the high street is not offering much in the way of footwear. Gladiator sandals and tranny high heels really suit, well, gladiators and trannies. I think designers have been filling in the gaps on gladiator sandals, there seems to be an ugly sock/cuff variation on the loose. The once reliably classic M & S has tried to go a bit more cutting edge, and fallen off it. Next had some lovely shoes, particularly a pair of coral red Mary Janes but sadly they looked good but did not fit. My feet are Norman, they resemble the tootsies on medieval tomb sculptures: pointy and diamond shaped.

So for the first time in a while I entered Clark's store on Oxford Street with the serious intention of buying, something, anything, to pound the mean streets of Tooting in. I was struck by how much it resembled the Clarks of the past. I could almost hear myself arguing about why a pair of glitter plastics from Brixton Market were what I really wanted as if it were yesterday. The concession with modernity was a manager with a head set organizing the shoe staff. In this case a small ferocious lady was hissing into her headset “R*** stop pissing around and help that woman in the corner.” As I left she was exhorting her legion to “Sell the handbags”.

Most of the shoes fell into what one might expect to see, but there were also some surprises. A row of fabulous jewel-coloured suede shoes, decorated with a padded lozenge (pictured above). These would work well with 40’s and 50’s styles as the heel is stacked forties style and the lozenge and colours would suit a fifties circle skirt or Mad Men style suits. This might reflect the fact that Clarks over recent years have been doing some savvy marketing and realizing that the nostalgia of consumers like myself and their history mean that they have a unique brand niche on the High Street. They have launched a heritage brand and some of their designs hark back to the past. I was taken by their buckled shoes with a decently high heel, and plan to go back and buy a pair in brown this weekend. I bought some very comfortable late 50’s style granny shoes of the type you might play bowls in. They are part of Clark's 'Bombay' range which seems to have a nice '50's lady about to climb on a pan am flight and go travelling' vibe. I have my eye on the aqua leather pair pictured below. Very comfortable, and there’s the rub, or lack of it. I found most of the shoes I tried on to be very easy to wear. Their footwear is particularly well padded, which in the case of their heels makes a massive difference. The increase in quality, compared to rivals like M&S is not reflected in the price. My shoes cost about £55.00, only £15.00 more than their equivalent in Marks but they were of far higher quality with a far better finish.

I caught myself looking around at the other customers, middle England was there as were the older clientele but the majority were stylish. The lady in front of me at the till bought 3 pairs of shoes, she was already clutching two or three large bags from Browns, a very directional designer boutique in South Molton Street. Cogitating upon this later it occurred to me that yes, surprisingly, you could actually accompany your Prada, Marc Jacobs and Marni with these shoes. And you probably wont end up with Beckhamesque bunions.

Oxford street, the survivalists guide.

Oxford Street is as unavoidable for the average Londoner as springtime pigeon poo, errant tube lines and those mysterious moving road works (has anyone checked for ley-lines?). Even the well heeled may find themselves girding their loins to face the place, even if it is only to cross from Marylebone to Bond Street. If anyone doubts that a shopping 'trip' to Oxford Street is occasionally akin to an assault course please see the image below. Some might bellow that there are alternatives. However shopping malls are not central, Croydon is full of roaming feral groups of teenagers and Wood Green is the last resort of the truly desperate. The fact remains that the UK has the best fashion-forward High Street retailers and that most of these house their flagship stores with the widest range of lines on this thoroughfare. The shopping survivalist can, however. make a day spent here more pleasant. Through planning and distraction combined with an avoidance of the myriad irritations and dangers of the place a good day can be had. Redlegs lists her own do's and don'ts below in the hope they may help. These are my own tips, I would be extremely interested to hear other suggestions. After all we need all the defensive and offensive weapons we can muster to survive a DAY IN OXFORD STREET!

Things that might make your day more bearable:

1 Timing. It sounds obvious, but if you have a choice do choose a weekday and arrive early. I really don't understand the large numbers of obviously retired grey haired elderly ladies heading to Oxford street for their Saturday jolly. Inexplicable. Particularly slack times of year in terms of crowds are late February/early March and late September early October. Remember though that just before Mother's Day and other such events things get busier. Bank Holidays are also a no-no. Under no circumstances go on one of the special pedestrian friendly no-traffic days. They are not pedestrian friendly, buses and cabs do a great job of getting stupid big groups of people off the road and walking. In their absence there are five times the amount of people, often from outside London behaving like human dodgems.

2 Sustainance. Every cafe in the area seems to be full of noisy families and obtaining a place to sit requires the ruthlessness of a crack SAS unit. The Selfridges food hall is like a Japanese train station at rush hour and the fast food chains are unspeakable. There are alternatives. My tip is to spend a little more and go to John Lewis's Brasserie (tel 020 7629 7711) . Largely because you can actually reserve a table and swan in past the queue and sit right down for a nice light waitress served meal with a glass of wine. If you are in the lower end of Oxford Street and fancy solid cheap grub, head down Berwick Street and grab some delicious cod and chips in the utilitarian fish and chip shop there. I have always been able to sit down and Soho tends to discourage the yummy mummy hordes.

3 Walk behind the street itself, the pavement is full of idiots. You can avoid the elbows, hard faced Primarkadonnas with prams, battalions of chadors, large men with beer cans and gaggles of shrieking European teenagers just by following the streets running parallel to Oxford Street itself. Slightly longer in footfall but twice as quick and far less stressful.

4 Feed the brain. Both the Photographers Gallery and the Wallace Collection are just off Oxford Street. They remind you that there is more to you than mere consumer. The Laughing Cavalier in the Wallace always cheers me up although I suspect the joke is on me...

5 Treats. My habit is to reward myself for my powers of shopping endurance. A favourite is afternoon tea at the Durrant Hotel, one of London's last family owned Edwardian hotels. Quiet, rarely crowded and full of antiques; between 3-6 they will serve a full Champagne afternoon tea for a very reasonably £21.00.

6 Remember there are some joys to be found in Oxford Street even at its busiest. The Hare Krishnas whirling along raise my spirits with their combination of jolliness and longevity. They seem to have always been there. The frontage of Selfridges, the fifties modernist sculpture outside John Lewis', the roast chestnuts that are hygienically highly dubious but never seem to poison you and the proximity of wonderful establishments such as Claridges. Let's not forget that very few shopping streets of this type end in a fantastic royal park. The new Tokyo style cross walk at Oxford Circus is very effective and shows the place can be improved.

Things to beware of:

Most Londoners are aware of these but for those who don't regularly visit the street..

1 Sundays. Due to UK shopping rules the first hour/hours on Sunday you can only view goods and may not be able to buy them until 12.00.

2 Pick pockets work in teams and are very sophisticated. Black spots are outside Selfridges and Primark. Also the exits of Tottenham Court Road and Oxford Street Tube Stations. Never give to beggars, they are used as scouts to show where you keep money on your person.

3 A common theft in Oxford Street is bag lifting. Some one will stand by you at a counter, you put some bags on the floor. They do the same. Then pick up their bags along with a couple of yours. They will then return your goods for cash. This is also common at fast food and coffee chain shops. Don't put your receipts for goods in the bag especially if you have used a credit card, if you get back to the shop quickly they do sometimes catch these people in the act.

4 The Tottenham Court Road end of the street has virtually nothing worth visiting or shopping at and is tatty. Best avoided.

John Lewis Brasserie menu: http://www.johnlewis.com/Shops/DSTemplate.aspx?Id=177

Berwick Street fish and chips: http://www.yelp.co.uk/biz/fish-and-chips-london

Wallace Collection:www.wallacecollection.org

Photographers Gallery: www.photonet.org.uk

Durrant Hotel: www.durrantshotel.co.uk

Claridges Hotel: www.claridges.co.uk

Any comments or suggestions please reply!