Diamond Jubilee celebrations in London Event Guide.

Well a long weekend of bunting, fairy cakes, union jack- waving and boozing approaches. The shops are full of souvenir tat, there is an extra bank holiday and London is bracing itself for an influx of visitors and patriotic chaos. It would be remiss of me, despite republican leanings  not to come up with some ideas of how to fill the weekend in London whether you are visiting or battening down the hatches. I am either going to, or would be if could, to the following shindigs.

Friday the 1^st

Breast of British Bluestockings Jubilee Cabaret

Excellent line up of cabaret for the evening including Ophelia Bitz, Fancy Chance and Tricity Vogue. Likely to be a highly entertaining mischievous witty night, with the odd boob thrown in. Which makes sense as Elizabeth the 2^nd has always had a rather impressive décolletage herself. Although if you want to know where these ladies store their diamonds you’ll have to go along. Convenient West End location and good value with tickets at a tenner a pop.

Details here.

Patriotometer: Subversive!

Saturday the 2^nd 

1953 Themed Jubilee Dinner. Ella Armstrong Lach of the London Vintage Kitchen, who for some reason is rather keen on cooking is organising a pop up dinner party serving food from the same era as the coronation in a secret location, which I have been assured is not Dalston. A three course meal from the era and drinks will be accompanied by singing, party games and dancing. All for the rather economical  price of £25.00.

Details here.

Patriotometer:   God Save the Queen!

Sunday the 3^rd

Diamond Jubilee Flotilla, the river, your local hostelry, your sitting room.

Now if you are lucky enough to know some rich git with a view the place to be is in their place watching the pretty ships. For the rest of us it will be the usual scrum, millions of tourists shoving, screaming kids, people blocking your view. The screens are all North of the river which means most people may get rather stuck when it comes to moving around.  The native Londoner will find a nice screen, in a nice pub, settle down with a glass of English ale and and watch it in comfort. After all most of us see a Royal at some point every year…

Details here

Patriotometer: depends, some will merely be interested in the pretty boats.

Sunday the 3^rd

What the Butler Saw

Large Ball/Party in Farringdon channeling a perverse version of Downton Abbey. Confirmed performers include Frank and Nancy Sanazi and Fifties style singers plus cabaret, burlesque and DJ’s from Torture Garden amongst others. Continues until  3am the next day.

Details here.

Patriotometer: Unsuitable for a modern monarchy but Edward VII might have rather liked it.

Monday the 4^th

Battle Royal

The Double RR crew host a cabaret night in their own inimitable style. Cabaret in the atmospheric Bethnal Green Working Men’s club with performers taking a republican stance. The performers are likely to be amongst the best in London, instead of being the first to be lined up in front of a wall come the revolution, be the first lined up at the bar (which has pub prices). Additionally all the money raised goes to charity. Highly recommended.

Details here.

Patriotometer:  Traitor’s Gate.

               

Jubilee celebrations: Victorious Vintage.

You cannot have failed to notice the sea of red, white and blue taking over the shopping aisles at the moment. So far fortunately the Jubilee memorabilia is overtaking the tatt on sale to mark the sporting event we have to endure later in the year. Currently you can even buy red, white and blue fondant fancies. Of course there are lots of events, and if you don't have jelly, ham sandwiches and warm beer on trestle tables lined up for your street a number of things are being arranged to tap into any need for public celebration. 

On the vintage front, with the coronation having been in the fifties and the dumb vintage obsession with bunting and cup cakes, plenty of so called 'vintage' events have jumped into the breach. I'd be very wary of most to be honest. For my money the best is likely to be Victorious Vintage which is being held on 2 - 3rd June. My reasons for suggesting this one are threefold. One is that it is being held in Portsmouth Historic Dockyard. We are a maritime nation shaped by the sea and our most iconic boat, Nelson's Victory is docked there. I think being beside the sea rather than in say a big park and being surrounded by our naval history makes this a wonderfully patriotic venue. And if you cannot be overtly patriotic on a royal jubilee when can you be? I also think that being near ships will be a nice mental counterpoint to the flotilla sailing down the Thames.

My second point is that it is actually free, no venal bandwagon-jumping types will be charging you entry, the museums and so forth will still charge but the music, vintage fair and performances will be free. The music is eclectic but concentrates on simply entertaining visitors. Headlined by Dodgy and the Lightning seeds there are a number of tribute bands and a variety of musical tastes but all tending towards the celebratory will be playing.You can see a list of performers in the flyer below.

Lastly there is the fact that Portsmouth is a very English city, from it's Georgian captain's housing, it's raucous football fans, it's fish and chip shops and general airiness make it English. It is not too much of a hike from London and hotels and b&b's tend to be inexpensive.

Fleure de Guerre enjoying Portsmouth

Basically I get the idea that although this has vintage in it's moniker, being by the brine, with the Victory in the back ground and the seagulls crying it will not have to try hard to feel retro. It seems more that the intention is to provide a good happy day out. By not charging it is not being limited to being a day out for afficianados or those who think the whole thing is trendy but should be full of children, their grandparents, everyone else in between and local people. If the sun is out it could be, other than in a barge on the Thames, the best place to be. It is also the perfect excuse to put on something naval and see if you can pick up a sailor!  xx